today i had to write an essay during class and when I was writing I remembered how much I love to be flowery when I write and how I like to have enough time to do a good job, and when I feel proud and capable of my work I tend to put hard work and effort into it. I think I also really needed that reminder because for the longest time the only thing that made me do anything was external pressure or the crippling amount of pressure I put on myself by putting myself down. It was how others around me treated me. I still definitely have not gotten back fully to the place where I am actively making healthy choices 80% of the time but I think I'm learning how to treat and believe in myself.
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